Not what any of us wanted
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2016 9:10 pm
I'm already 28 and there's no point to life.
At least, that's part of the problem. No matter how much seems to go my way, the sinking realization that no matter what I do the course of things will not change. Fate dictates and we are naught but motes of dust in its gale.
I guess a bit of backstory is in order.http://pastebin.com/Ush6huDi
I live in Alabama; have all my life, and there isn't anywhere else I could consider relocating to. Everywhere else is too POZ to even consider and without any real connections to anyone else in any other place, there's no reason to leave where I am since anywhere else would just produce the same result. You could suggest that I meet up with like minded people, but I suppose that's because you haven't grasped that for me there are no like minded people. You can say there is safety in numbers all you want, but you forget that everyone hates defectives until you see one.
Yeah. I'm defective. I hear voices in my head, I see things that aren't there. I'm plagued by suicidal ideation and mental illness. And there isn't any of it that can be treated since all the (((Doctors))) of psychology are all Jews. I shouldn't have to state what happens to whites who see Jewish (((Doctors))). It didn't work when I was a child, why on any world would it work again?
As you can see, this isn't what any of us wanted. But it's what happened, and is happening to white children all across the world. Their souls are being consumed, and for some of us; nothing more remains.
Every attempt I've ever made at doing anything to better my life has always ended in failure. No matter what it was, Fate intervenes and ensures that it will. I know that sounds crazy, but given that the same results always occur and that nothing changes, I'm hard pressed to find any other explanation. The entire thing is pointless. No matter who wins, I'll still be insane. No matter what happens, I'll still end up childless--and with probably a good reason. None can weather the Storm; no woman has ever wanted to take care of a man later in life, and with the way my family ends up with madness in old age on both sides--there isn't any hope that things would be different for me.
I'm here to read, to listen and see others who aren't as fucked as I am. I'm 22,000 words into a novel that probably nobody will read about a trip to Boston I took this past July. And as always: I'm eventually going to get the courage to end all this, and put myself out of your misery. I've just got to wait until Mother Dearest dies and then I'll be able to get out guilt free and without worrying that anyone is going to follow me in death.
At least, that's part of the problem. No matter how much seems to go my way, the sinking realization that no matter what I do the course of things will not change. Fate dictates and we are naught but motes of dust in its gale.
I guess a bit of backstory is in order.http://pastebin.com/Ush6huDi
I live in Alabama; have all my life, and there isn't anywhere else I could consider relocating to. Everywhere else is too POZ to even consider and without any real connections to anyone else in any other place, there's no reason to leave where I am since anywhere else would just produce the same result. You could suggest that I meet up with like minded people, but I suppose that's because you haven't grasped that for me there are no like minded people. You can say there is safety in numbers all you want, but you forget that everyone hates defectives until you see one.
Yeah. I'm defective. I hear voices in my head, I see things that aren't there. I'm plagued by suicidal ideation and mental illness. And there isn't any of it that can be treated since all the (((Doctors))) of psychology are all Jews. I shouldn't have to state what happens to whites who see Jewish (((Doctors))). It didn't work when I was a child, why on any world would it work again?
As you can see, this isn't what any of us wanted. But it's what happened, and is happening to white children all across the world. Their souls are being consumed, and for some of us; nothing more remains.
Every attempt I've ever made at doing anything to better my life has always ended in failure. No matter what it was, Fate intervenes and ensures that it will. I know that sounds crazy, but given that the same results always occur and that nothing changes, I'm hard pressed to find any other explanation. The entire thing is pointless. No matter who wins, I'll still be insane. No matter what happens, I'll still end up childless--and with probably a good reason. None can weather the Storm; no woman has ever wanted to take care of a man later in life, and with the way my family ends up with madness in old age on both sides--there isn't any hope that things would be different for me.
I'm here to read, to listen and see others who aren't as fucked as I am. I'm 22,000 words into a novel that probably nobody will read about a trip to Boston I took this past July. And as always: I'm eventually going to get the courage to end all this, and put myself out of your misery. I've just got to wait until Mother Dearest dies and then I'll be able to get out guilt free and without worrying that anyone is going to follow me in death.